Garrulous Farts

I am concerned and remain perplexed.

Not because of the daily street terrorism that women are subjected to. But with the attitude of regular, garrulous people who have an opinion about everything that is happening in our society and have few clear-cut tips about how our society should behave and the country run.

Free gyaan – loud and clear over stale idlis and sambhar at the cafeteria. 

Today, I decided to test the attitude of these righteous people who diligently visit places of worship and offers high-sounding gyaan to anybody and everybody who cares to listen. At lunch, I shared the news about my campaign to remove the alcohol outlet that has cropped up near my apartment. I IMed this link, http://www.change.org/en-IN/petitions/superintendent-of-police-bangalore-rural-start-proactive-policing-on-sh-35-near-confident-antlia to few people and told them to sign if they want to without any compulsion. 

(Refer to http://newindianexpress.com/cities/bangalore/article1359055.ece)

It was hilarious. Most of them ignored. (I expected that.) One lied. And one tried justifying the reason for not signing. 

I am concerned because these are the same people who cluck when they hear about gender terrorism, never missed TV programme like Satyameva Jayate, and indulge in social discourse. But freeze in fear of authority and change. 

Whose child is this?

"Whose child is this?"
i asked one day
seeing a little one
out at play.

"Mine", said the parent
with a tender smile".
"Mine to keep
a little while
To bathe his hands
and comb his hair
To tell him what
he is to wear
To prepare him that he
may always be good
And each day do the
things he should".


"Whose child is this?"
i asked again
As the door opened and
someone came in.

"Mine", said the teacher
with the same
tender smile.

"Mine,to keep just
for a little while
To teach him how to be
gentle and kind
To train and direct his
dear little mind
To help him live by
every rule
And get the best he
can from school".

"Whose child is this?",
i asked once more
Just as the little one
entered the door.

"Ours", said the parent
and the teacher
as they smiled
And each took the hand
of the little child
"Ours to love and
train together
Ours this blessed
task forever".

          
                        (This is a wonderful piece..unfortunately the author's identity is not known.)

True Friends

(This is a poem written by my 9 years old daughter, Oashe)


Friends are always with us
No matter what may come.
Friends who helps us when we are in trouble
Are real friends,
For friend in need is a friend indeed.
But some friends are good weather friends;
They leave us in times of trouble.
But we shouldn’t be sad when that happens,
It is then that we really know them.

Sense and Sensibility

During my tenure as a class teacher of Std. 9, an incident occurred which scandalized the ‘sensibility’ of the ‘learned’ lot. Two adolescent were caught smooching in one of the empty classroom.

This was discussed in hushed tones in the campus and the poor girl was labeled a shrew. Her friends avoided her and the teachers ignored her. She was severely reprimanded, and was also suspended from the school for 7 days. I guess she had to undergo further humiliations by her kith and kin. But the boy was spared such humiliations. He was let off after a routine reprimand and of course 7 days of suspension.

When she joined the school, it was clear that she was under tremendous stress and I guess it costs her a lot to attend school. On noticing her trauma, I sent her to the school counselor, who in a pragmatic tone, ruled her out and emphatically pronounced, “ oh she is that kind of a girl….”. Off-putting comments about her family background and her parents’ character ruled the staff room.

When I decided to counsel her, the puritans, too analyzed my character. I was called by the high command to explain why I had snubbed their decision of ignoring the girl and ‘forgetting’ the incident….
I insisted that reprimanding the girl will not solve the problem and I, as a human being first and then as a teacher, have a responsibility towards her future to ensure that she doesn’t go about smooching every Tom, Dick and Harry whenever her hormones plays truant.

I was told that such cases happen in every school. And what do they do? Nothing. “Sex and sexuality issues are taboo subjects not to be discussed. “Nobody told us about ‘these things’ … we got to know about it at the right time…”; spat came the replies from my esteemed colleagues

Well, I do agree with them. Our times were different. We were really stupid. We didn’t have the option of such vast array of serials or for that matter the Internet. But these kids have and it is us who have lured them to think and experiment. The garrulous moaning, panting and sighing, the look of ecstasy and rejuvenations on the screen motivates them and they feel they ought to try it out.


I was considerably alarmed when I learnt from my doctor friend about the alarming rise in teenage pregnancy in this small city. We cannot afford to be complacent any more. This is happening. We cannot simply blame the media or the West for this. Our kids are growing and they are immature; the onus is on us to guide them and tell them about the birds and the bees so that they can take sensible decisions so as not to unruffle the sensibility of the puritans.

Daughter's Gift

(Photograph clicked by Fr.Kenna S.J.)

I am so overwhelmed by the thoughtful gesture of my little daughter on my birthday, that I felt I ought to brag about it to all.

My daughter, Oashe, is just 8, a wonderful child and my pride. She is so creative and thoughtful with an empathic soul.

Her first instruction, after wishing me, " Ma, don't you dare to touch the broom today(metaphorically speaking).... I will clean the house once I return from school..."

Well, can any mother have a better gift than these words? The very fact that she said those words touched my soul to the very core.

In the evening, she surprised me with a really big, mouth-watering strawberry cake and some snacks.

The highlight of the evening was when she put up a puppet show, coining the story at the spur of the moment.This left me spell bound.

I hope all of you bless her so that she grows up to be an honest citizen of the world.

Robbing Childhood

Sanj is just five and she is already in the rat race – going to a play school in the morning and to the tuition in the evening – which will prepare her for admission to a good school.

So what is new? It is the same story everywhere- especially parents of a four - five years old child can relate better with Sanj’s parents. “Sending my daughter to the tuition is the only option,” says Sandra, Sanj’s mother – a professional. She feels that the tuition teacher will train her daughter to write well as the schools take written tests.

Doctors say that starting school early and pressuring the child to read and write causes trauma, which develops anxiety and later leads to depression. Doctors stress that children develops ‘visual-motor co-ordination’ only at the age of seven, but they are forced to wield pencils as early as two years. This will in turn impair ‘visual-motor skills’. The child’s’ ability to adapt is severally compromised and she is always under stress. Having to perform makes children anxious. Parents too pass on their stress on to the children. This will later lead to substance abuse.

The 'anxious-about-her-future' parents do not think so. According to them – once she gets into a prestigious school, it will be smooth sailing.

Will it be, at what cost? City based counsellors and child psychologists are perturbed regarding the alarming rise in stress related cases among children below ten years of age. According to them, out of the every ten children, seven are acutely stressed. “Parents realise the enormity of the situation only when it goes beyond their control …cases of bed-wetting, stammering, temper tantrums are on the rise.”

Parents have their own reasons for it and so do the schools. Moreover, it becomes difficult after a while to determine who to blame – parents for creating demand for such schools or the latter for meeting the demand. Child today no longer has a childhood and tomorrow they will have nothing to look back. Parents are killing their child’s childhood for their own ambition.

Since at any given time, the number of children out numbers the number of seats in schools the pressure is always on the child. Parents have become more ambitious, exerting more and more pressure on their children. They feel that it is essential to attend preparatory schools as well as evening tuitions, as they help in developing the personality of the children as they prepare them for the rigours of the Kg admission tests.
Monika, (a mother of a four and half year old son) agrees that getting children admitted in a reputed school is a gigantic task and it pressurizes them, but she added, “With changing times, I think children too will have to learn to cope with pressure. Perhaps, this is the price they have to pay to be a part of the information age.”

So while the parents slog it out to pay for a good education for their child, the resultant pressure lands squarely on the child’s shoulders.

Child abuse

Chubby cheeks, dimple chin, rosy lips-
Dent within.
Curly hair, very fair,
But in despair:
Eyes are blue- lovely two,
Who’s there to woo
The adorable two.


I like to share something that shocked the very core of my existence. It was like any other day when I went to drop my daughter to school. I saw a group of my friends standing in cluster and discussing animatedly. What I heard unnerved me and made me seethe in rage. A lady in the group was narrating a horrendous scene she witnessed on her way home. She saw a child being molested by the driver of her car pool at the back of the maruti van. The child, who has just started school, who is still unfamiliar with her body, was being kissed and fondled by a crude man who had been, ironically, entrusted with her security by her parents.

What is really scary is that people who sexually abuse children don’t look or act very different from most people and are not psychopaths. They are often revered upon by society and, sometimes, are very successful professional.

Contrary to popular belief, the fact is that in most cases of child sexual abuse, the child knows the abuser. Infact, we can say that child sexual abuse is most frequent within the acquaintance/family circle of the child.

I can empathize with that child who has gone through this kind of ordeal of humiliation and that is why my blood boiled over in rage at such gross violation of human rights. I blurted out to the speaker in the group, who clucking like ducklings, with hands folded, airing their sympathy-“why didn’t you stop and save her?”

“ Oh she is not my daughter… what if the driver humiliated me…?” I was aghast at this insensitive reply. I decided to be proactive and do something. But how? Not everybody is lucky like my daughter, who has her grandfather and me, to ferry her. I also told a Principal to discuss this issue at the Principal’s forum.

I don’t know if this matter was taken up or not at the forum but in this forum I have brought up this serious topic to draw people’s empathy.

Children are scared to tell anyone that they have been abused. Life becomes bewildering as they try to cope with the hurt and fear. Often they cannot fathom the enormity of this experience. Most often adults don’t understand what children are trying to tell them or hush up the matter for fear of being ridiculed. This would create emotional blockage and she would learn to hide all feelings of pain, hurt and fear, which would impair her for life.

The effects of child sexual abuse are long lasting and may leave deep scars on the child’s personality and we must become sensitive humans and not ignore the child on the pretext that “she is not mine”