Emotional Violence against Women at Public Offices

I went to the Passport Seva Kendra at Outer Ring Road to submit the application for the reissue of my minor daughter’s passport on tatkal.  The lady at the front desk, Gayathri ( name not changed) told me, “ A Single parent cannot apply for the reissue of her daughter’s passport on tatkal.”  I was asked to get my daughter’s father and the reason for the separation, all this in full public view. 

 

Being informed, I told her candidly that was not a reason for rejecting my daughter’s application for reissue of her passport on tatkal, and that she was not eligible to ask personal questions that violates decency in civil society.

 

It was most humiliating! This behavior from the front desk executive was a deliberate harassment. This sort of harassment is a form of violence against women. What is sad is, it was perpetrated by a woman.

 

I could see people standing in other queues getting interested in our discussion and my patience was fast depleting.  What I have learnt from my interaction with such people who try to act ‘holy’ is to go nasty the full way. This, from my experience always  worked and fuses such unrestrained curiosities about other people’s life.  And I did just that. I gave her a biology lesson that left her scarlet and mute.

 

It is a good practice to always do your homework to understand the process and procedure before going to any offices. Before visiting the Passport Seva Kendra (PSK), I scanned http://passport.gov.in/ to get the details. I called up the customer care many times to validate the list of documents required. I then called up Mr Suresh Rana, APO,CPV Division, Ministry of External Affairs to validate. I also wrote to the RPO but never received a response.

 

I was told, since this is a reissue, I need not submit all the documents that I had to attach when I applied for her passport for the first time. Her details are in their database. So, I was asked to submit Annexure H, a copy of my passport and my daughter’s passport, and our new address proof along with the application.

 

( Note: Annexure H is just a declaration, yet I went ahead and got it attested by a notary.)

 

I thought I was pretty thorough when I went to the PSK. ( My daughter had to miss her school that day.) The humiliation was unexpected and left me fuming.

 

A single parent faces innumerable challenges to get work done and more so if she happens to have a very distinct sense of what is right and what is wrong.

 

Not having a partner is not a crime. Raising a child single-handedly is not a sacrifice but a choice and I do not think any self-respecting single parent needs the snide or the sympathy.  

 

But, disrespecting, humiliating, and abusing emotionally an individual just because her marital status is not what your ideal society wants, is a gross violation of human rights and is condemnable.

 

I could get my work done on that very day because I was informed and insisted that I meet the APO. They allowed me to when I spoke to Mr. Suresh Rana. But, not all can create this sort of stir. So, does that mean such violence, that doesn’t leave visible physical scars but completely stresses out the person involved. would continue in offices? I doubt whether anybody would raise the flag for fear of their paper work getting delayed or rejected.

Oashe ( my daughter) learnt a valuable lesson that day. On our way back home after the intense drama, she told me that she is determined to remain steadfast on her beliefs, will not accept any sort of injustice meted out to her or her friends, and will protest in accordance with the laws.

 

What is required is sensitizing and sanitizing the mindset of the customer facing executives. This lady at the front desk, Gayathri is a TCS employee. She is young, still in her twenties and yet she has unhealthy thoughts. Asking for a total revolution of the mind set is a tall order, but such mindset from Gen Y is not expected. We need to think where we have gone wrong and if we have a young force with stagnated thoughts, it is an indication of  a society that have grossly misinterpreted the basic human values that transcends marital status, borders, and color.

Garrulous Farts

I am concerned and remain perplexed.

Not because of the daily street terrorism that women are subjected to. But with the attitude of regular, garrulous people who have an opinion about everything that is happening in our society and have few clear-cut tips about how our society should behave and the country run.

Free gyaan – loud and clear over stale idlis and sambhar at the cafeteria. 

Today, I decided to test the attitude of these righteous people who diligently visit places of worship and offers high-sounding gyaan to anybody and everybody who cares to listen. At lunch, I shared the news about my campaign to remove the alcohol outlet that has cropped up near my apartment. I IMed this link, http://www.change.org/en-IN/petitions/superintendent-of-police-bangalore-rural-start-proactive-policing-on-sh-35-near-confident-antlia to few people and told them to sign if they want to without any compulsion. 

(Refer to http://newindianexpress.com/cities/bangalore/article1359055.ece)

It was hilarious. Most of them ignored. (I expected that.) One lied. And one tried justifying the reason for not signing. 

I am concerned because these are the same people who cluck when they hear about gender terrorism, never missed TV programme like Satyameva Jayate, and indulge in social discourse. But freeze in fear of authority and change. 

Right to dignified living?

Monday morning my colleague pinged this: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2010/01/12&PageLabel=3&EntityId=Ar00301&ViewMode=HTML&GZ=T.

Apparently, violating the modesty of the lady did not amount to rape.A molester gets away easily just because the lady never had menstural cycle, her sexual organs are deformed and hence she couldn't really have sex. Never heard of such crap.

I cannot help but picturize what the lady must have gone through, standing in the witness box, a cynosure of all eyes,and her intimate details discussed, debated and ridiculed.

Does rape mean forced sex with a woman with fully formed sexual faculties? The perpetrator gets away because the victim's sexual organ was not developed enough for her to enjoy or understand sex. It did not matter a blink that she was humiliated. Her physical deformity was made public. She was ridiculed and, who knows, may have been branded as someone with questionable morale.

Rape is a heinous crime that mars a woman's sexuality and importantly is a gross violation of human rights. A victim is not only sexually manhandled, she is also repeatedly raped by the public attention, her whole self is exposed to public curiosity. The loss is grievous and life long.

As a woman, I do not differentiate between sexual harassment and rape. Both violates human rights.Both have the same object- to undermine the integrity of the victim, physically as well as mentally. 

Right to live a dignified life is the birth right of every individual. Yet females - adult and child, gets raped around the world every second. And we talk, we frame rules, we spend millions to frame laws only to see them thwarted, we develop workaround (to help the perpetrators get away), we protest (sometimes in candle light), we re examine our existing laws, we also keep mum lest we are humiliated further....

In short, we never fail to devise strategies to dignified living.This has not reduced the incidence of rape.

Strong, very strong, extremely strong punishment should be a part of these laws. A death sentence. No, a week of extreme humiliation before death. Rapists are criminals and worst than a terrorist. The rapist needs just a penis to terrorize.

Perception about violence against women among medical and nursing student

This one is a revelation. Indian Council of Medical Research (ICMR) conducted a study on the “Perception about violence against women among medical and nursing student”.

Out of the 250 students from D.Y Patil Medical College that were interviewed 86 were males.

Read on:

• 39.6% male respondents
• 10.1% female respondents agreed that wives try to get beaten by their husband in order to gain sympathy
•  31.5% males
• 15.1% females opines that wives refusing sex were "asking to be beaten"
• 32.6% males 
• 27.7% females agrees that it would do some wives good to be beaten up by their husband
•  37.2% males
•  21.1% females believes that occasional violence by husband maintains the marriage

                                        (taken from Times of India, 26/10/’07)
Shocking!

Well, no wonder we have such lackadaisical, unsympathetic and immoral medicos. Is medical education only about solutions to ailments? What about the ‘person’, the humane touch? It is high time that the medicos are sensitized towards the important issue of domestic violence and its impact on physical and emotional health.

Protection of Women from Domestic Violence

According to a notification issued by the Ministry of Women and Child Development The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2006 has come into effect. This law is expected to provide women- wives, mother, mother-in-law, sisters, daughters, and even adopted daughter- protection against physical, verbal and sexual abuse and the right to shelter and economic freedom.

This is a laudable effort, no doubt, to curb atrocities on women. But the question here is “ how effectively would it be implemented?”

I may sound pessimistic, but my pessimism is based on my experience and from my avid interest in NEWS. There are laws to protect women from the dowry demands, from Sati, etc.., yet, scores of women have been slaughtered on one pretext or another. Where were our law keepers then? Rape cases goes on for years and it takes a long time to pass the verdict.

I feel that these legislations are mere lollies dolled out to the women fraternity. No amount of legislation will put an end to these evils. Well, I don’t mean to ridicule this legislation. This piece of legislation, like any other legislation, can only be enforced when there are honest, serious and committed enforcement officers.

Now, this is another thought that stuck me: How many Indian women would truly, speak up about her pain and trauma, and that to to an enforcement officer. Indian women are glamorized as paragon of patience and virtue in the media; they would rather tolerate than lodge a formal complaint. Most women have been tutored, right from childhood, the concept of “grin and bear”. If at all they decide to speak up, they would probably take their problems to family and friend. What happens then- they are sent right back after being pacified and made to believe that “she is not the only one going through such problems- every woman experiences the same… have patience..”

The need for the hour is not more legislations but to ensure that each girl child gets proper education; the need for the hour is total transformation of the pseudo societal thought or mindset; the need for the hour is ensuring financial empowerment. Financial empowerment will automatically ensure security and generate confidence, not to forget, social recognition.

.

Anti-Rape Female Condom

( This is an excerpt from the mail sent by my sis, Navanita)

A South African inventor unveiled a new anti-rape female condom that hooks onto an attacker's penis and aims to cut one of the highest rates of sexual assault in the world.

The device, made of latex and held firm byshafts of sharp barbs, can only be removed from the man through surgerywhich will alert hospital staff, and ultimately, the police.

It also reduces the chances of a woman falling pregnant or contracting AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases from the attacker by acting in the same way as a female condom.

South Africa has more people with HIV/AIDS than any other country, with onein nine of its 45 million population infected. Ehlers, who showed off a prototype on Wednesday, said women had tried it for comfort and it had been tested on a plastic male model but not yet on a liveman. Production was planned to start next year.

You can read more on it at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9145415/

I would love to hear your views on this - what do you think? Do you think this will reduce the frightening statistics on violence against women? DO you think this will deter rapists? What about gang rapes? What about rapes during war? What about rapes on women living in refugee camps with no orvery little access to resources?

Sister's Woe

Marriages are said to be made in heaven
but….
Grimaced sister in woe;

Hollowed eye, farawaylook-
She stands alone…
Bearing the brunt
of agony, in lone.

Her body- a canvas..
Filled with swipes of black and blue and red.
Painted by an eccentric
Whenever his whims persist.

“That’s alright, you are born to bear”
Said sister upright..
“Forgive and forget..
You will be let..”


It is really ironical that - women themselves are their own worst enemies.It has been observed that most of the crime on a woman is inflicted by a woman.

What is domestic violence?

Well,to speak plainly without mincing any words,it is the pain,the humiliation,the abuses that is inflicted upon a person,disrupting her or his mental or physical equilibrium.

What is more heart-wrenching is that many educated women are tied down in an abusive marriage,mainly because of societal expectations.

It is high time that all conscientious human beings rise and shine.
Come let's join our hands to wipe out domestic violence.